Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you would pick up someone in the library
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
