Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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