So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
