Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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