The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
