Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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