either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
