You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it glows. i had to have it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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