finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
