im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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