Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
