There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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