I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
