There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
