I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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