Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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