I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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