I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
