I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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