k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
