you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
