I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
