is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
