i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
