I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
