You're my little dorito
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
