Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
