omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
