i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
