I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I need to sanitize my soul.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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