went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
