i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
