I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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