i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
time to smoke my breakfast
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
