I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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