So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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