apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
