...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
