i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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