How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
