Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
