genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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