Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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