i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
