One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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