I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
