This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
