I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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