I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
