Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
