haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize