Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
