May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
