I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
