you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
