My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
