its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
